Comments on: “But we’re not single”

By: TED

TED — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 14:19:00 +0000

Offhand, I can think of several amusing uses for a garter.

By: David

David — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 22:17:52 +0000

Handing the singles list to the DJ gives any guest in attendance the permission to rub poison ivy on the sheets of the couple’s marital bed.

Inexcusable.

While I would never go to this length–yow. Remind me never to tick you off.

By: Limecrete

Limecrete — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 18:57:44 +0000

I hate the garter/bouquet thing, and would do so even if I were straight and didn’t have to attach any political significance to it. When the DJ starts calling for single people, I always somehow have to go to the bathroom. Or am needed at the bar. Or have to take a telephone call outside. Anything to avoid that stupid ritual.

At this point the bride gave the DJ a list of names of all the single women in attendance, which he proceeded to read out.

You know, I’ve seen my share of wedding receptions, either as a guest or as a waiter. They’re more unique than snowflakes, and I’m loath to tell anyone how they should celebrate their special day. All that said…..are you fucking kidding me?

By: Huntington

Huntington — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 16:17:10 +0000

But you guys can get married: in Massachusetts (if you lived there), Canada, a few European countries, and South Africa. In addition, you could hold a ceremony anytime you want right there in St. Louis, and you would be just as married from a spiritual/romantic/commitment point of view as your friends in Seattle. You two haven’t chosen to stand together in front of your loved ones and declare your love and lifetime commitment to one another yet, so in most people’s minds, you’re unmarried. Looked at that way, it’s perfectly understandable, and not at all rude, for your friend to have included you on the unmarried list, the reading out of which was pretty inappropriate anyway, no matter the sexual orientation of those named.

The point of the traditional marriage ritual, including the ridiculous bouquet/garter stuff, isn’t the legal benefits associated with civil marriage, the importance of which from both the practical and political points of view you know I’m not downplaying. People don’t usually include clauses in their vows pertaining to sharing medical insurance, visiting each other in the hospital (though I guess that’s implicit in “in sickness and in health”), community property, pensions, and wills. These things are desperately important, as is the acceptance of committed same-sex relationships (and homosexuality in general) which their extension to us in every state would mean.

But that’s not what the ritual is about. Judging by your descriptions of the way you two live, one could argue that you two already are married in the way described in the first paragraph of what I realize is too long a comment. I think that’s the way that matters most, or many more lesbians and gay men would contract marriages of convenience than actually do. From that standpoint, it was silly of your friend to include your names on the unmarried list, because she knows how committed you two are to one another.

If you’re discomfort at this episode was purely political, another option would have been for you and Plus One to go up during Garter Time holding hands, and possibly start making out as the garter was flung, ignoring it and everyone else. That would’ve proven the point more succinctly than anything.